Keep calm and merry on and my self-exploration

I have been reading a lot lately. Both books and blogs. Most of them focus on illustration, design, creativity and art business. I have begun to be addicted to reading artists' lives/behind-the-scene since I took Creative Courage class, in which several insightful artists' interviews were provided. Before that I basically browsed blogs by pictures as in leisure time. Long English-written posts always got overlooked. Until I got serious about my dream.

I remember my very first dream came to me when I was a little kid drawing repeatedly similar big-eyed dolls imitated from several sets of paper dolls I collected. The dream was to be a fashion designer. Then being a kid who didn't think much, I forgot about it and drew less. I just lived my life reading books, studying languages which I knew I liked but not really knew exactly what I would want to do with them. I got in a university majoring in English and selected Spanish as minor, still not sure what I would work after the uni.

Then one day in an English poetry class, I suddenly felt like the big white ceiling of the classroom was pushing down on me. I felt suffocated. I began to get sleepy in classes and question why we had to interpret some old poetry so seriously (maybe the poet might just want to express their emotion purely, with no serious meanings?)

I still liked books, loved to learn more languages. It's just that I couldn't see myself working in the field. Not sure how I came up with the idea of working as a graphic designer. Maybe it's a combination of two things that I love, drawing and reading. After graduation, I took another degree in graphic design then worked as a freelance book designer and now I think I'm becoming a stationery designer.

Why do I suddenly talk about all of this? I don't know. It seems that I have developed some kind of self-exploration lately. Before Make Art That Sells class, I was lucky to work in the field that I liked but they were all clients' works. I hardly had my own design, my own projects. Now I become more acute of what I like and dislike, what I want to do and don't want to. I have said no to some job offer and really focused on my MerryDay, my own stationery brand.

I am taking a risk but, strangely, I think I'm happier than when I knew exactly how much I would be paid for my freelance projects...

This year is my learning year. I take e-classes, read several books and blogs about art business and artists behind the scenes and give myself more time to work on my illustration/stationery design. My next drawing collection should be unique and wonderful enough to make more people recognize my MerryDay.

Am I too ambitious? Can I make it happen or will I be still be blogging this same thing next year? I don't know but the latest Etsy order I have just got today tells me that it's no use to worry about what have not come yet. The only thing I can do right now is keep working :)

Keep calm and merry on, that's what I'm saying now :)

Thanks for coming. Again, I wish you a merry day :D